Hold My Interest

image

I often question the logic in things,
The reality of nature.
From the outside looking in,
The realm is so small,
I can almost taste my destination,
Fluttering in my possession.
Opposing.
Like…A window,
On the other side a tree,
image

But to soon be struck by lighting,
Falling to the heavens feet.
A blinded sight of thunder,
Approaching,
Whispering,
Stroking,
Every single detail the way it should be.
Now standing in,
Looking out,
image

Yearning to escape,
To believe in what can’t be replaced.
Otherwise compelled to NOT imagine the multitude of violence, negativity, individual war,
image

That WE as humans, as brothers and sisters of each other,
Bring amongst one another.
How every single breathing moment you live,
Is just one single breathing moment closer to your death.
image

And how being sane,
Isn’t just part of living,
But also a part of living insane.
image
We all know where sinners go,
But sin has apparently always been thee norm.
We all know of the profoundless attempts to reconstruct the world.
How our fate is seemingly out of boundaries,
Unto nations eager to rebel,
Motivated by greed and Hell.
Why waist a gifted moment,
On a regret that is not even rewarding?
Why anticipate an everlasting enduring love,
When humanity is nothing but CRUEL?

*a.SmileFor.a.Frown*

I Would LoVe to….

NOT IN THIS EXACT ORDER OF COURSE…
1*Open my own Restaurant… variety of cultural foods-specifically Hispanic and American (black and white) foods and beverages (liquor/non liquor).
2*Have my own hair and nail business
***I would LOVE to combine 1 and 2 as a whole, that would be fabulous!
3*Skydive!
4*Receive my Masters/PhD.
5*Never Stop Learning.
6*Write and illustrate my own line of books (adults and kids).
7*Ghost-write for a singer/rapper.
8*Gain on endless eternal wisdom.
9*Watch my kids grow up to be productive children of the Lord.

…..And the list goes on, as the anticipation grows I will add to each driving flow!

*a.SmileFor.a.Frown*

Ghostly Home

Italo Calvino said: The more enlightened our houses are, the more their walls ooze ghosts. Describe the ghosts that live in this house: Image credit: “love Don’t live here anymore…” – © 2009 Robb North – made available under Attribution 2.0 Generic

Every home has it’s dark shadows. Secrets inside it’s four walls. Sounds of the unheard and sights of the unseen. History that only it’s foundation can reveal. Persecutions that crumble within it’s walls. History that executes.

The Ghosts inside my home are far beyond that of Casper. Haunted by fiction my soul floats in haunted mansions. Haunted by the daunting corners in which I’ve transcended through.

In this home the ghost are persistent, over-the-edge convincing, nevertheless Dead.

Life

It used to be beautiful, a feeling of joy, a feeling of happiness. I remained high on LIFE. Always had a smile. How time evolves and moments change.

Now I feel dark, lonely, lost in outer space. I just want some drugs to nudge the demons away. Cut myself and watch myself bleed –feel real pain– just to keep the heartache from driving me insane.

I constantly cry, its fucked up how many tears have dried on my face. Its flight or fight. Either I go or I stay, either way the impact will be hard to face.

Gray clouds shape my destiny as I surrender to fears. The years passing by seem equal to the cave in my chest all dark and hollow with secrets unrevealed .

Then I remember the reason for my life and with the invisible cuffs and bruises I wipe away my troubles and smoke on the kush till it makes me smile again.

The 3 things that struck my Nerves

Write about your strongest memory of heart-pounding belly-twisting nervousness.

The three most belly-twisting nervousness moments….

  1. The wait for my 1 yr old son’s brain surgery,
  2. The birth of my 6 1/2 months (premature) 2nd son, and
  3. Thoughts of Being in Love.                               Although, nothing could compare to that of the first two…. Those were truly the most nervous moments of my life.

 

 

 

Realization of the Heart

As I’m sitting here laying on my bed, wondering what the fuck I’m doing…
As in, doing with my life, my relationship, my career…
I look at my daughter and I see hope. I see Godly success. The miracles of life intertwined with my heavy mental events.
Although, I look for quality I don’t strive for perfection. I try to do my best but it doesn’t always work in affection, so I give it a rest.
It’s like a fight each day within myself! How foolish of me.

I pray that as I channel out some of these emotions through this blog, I will find comfort in my heart for all the blessings I seem to take for granted.
That the realization of the wonderful and joyous aspects of my life will be revealed through my very own reflective shadow of writing presence. My eyes will open, and ears will hear, and the patience that struggles with all of my fears will pour out to flow as water on an unwithered rose.

It seems only rational to partake in the never-ending, uneasiness of life. Being around those whom erk the very last sain nerve right off the batting edge of my might. Who is to say where I will land right now. The sky is the limit, I’m soaring in the clouds.

In the midst of it all, I see myself, and I see my kids, I rejoice in the Wonderful things God has given me. I smile and then I cry! A tear for the joy, a tear fire the sorrow. To only keep faith that I will be able to live lifetill old age next to the ones I love on earth.

Memories of my early Inner child.

What is your earliest memory? Describe it in detail: the place, the setting, the sights, smells, and sounds.

My earliest memory consists of many memories….I can’t seem to think of one specific memory alone. I can remember smiling a lot and being happy! Feeling the warm island breeze, and smelling all the piercing tropical smells. Both of my parents caring for me with pure love for eachother. I was surrounded by both sides of my family, it was blissful the wholeness feeling as a small child. I dwelt in no worries. Every day was a grace of sunshine.
I remember once finding a litter of kittens in the garage while playing outside on what seemed like one of the hottest days I’ve ever felt. The birds were loud. The wind felt good and I wanted some Guava fruits from my grandpa’s yard. I remember crying day after day because a kitten would get ran over on the dangerous curb next to our house. Learning then that “9 lives” is worthless!
I remember riding around with my mom, her sister, and her sister’s boyfriend while they were smoking what I assume, and hope for, was weed. But now looking back it could have been dope, just the same to me at that age. After that I remember getting to someone’s house and biting my aunts boyfriend on his leg for teasing me.
I remember spending time with other friends and family at the age of 2,3, and 4. Most of the things from way back then that remain are just a blur now, tragically!!